Getting ready to go home for a tournament this weekend. God knows I need it more than anything right now.
I'm a little sick of scraping what's left of a barrel that's been low for a while. I guess, the most important thing I have learned this semester seems to be, that loving isn't all what I thought it was a few years ago. It means you will do what's best, even if it means you are left unloved in the end. "Rejoice in God for the time being, only if it's for a season." I'm learning to be thankful for the things that I grasp only for a few seconds, and then slip away before I know it. “People change before you like brilliant colors of leaves during fall. But yet, some of us find ourselves in a standstill of time, waiting for the hurt of memories to fade and the night to unfold around us. I however, refuse to be stagnant, and wish to transform into a radiant shade of Gold from what I have learned.”
I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods
I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them
If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found
I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works
Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly
You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth
When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again
