Stretching to, What I Thought, Were Limits.

I don't want to leave. The funny thing is, I haven't necessarily been having the time of my life in Oklahoma. I'm not (easily) making friends, find it hard to find things to do when Crystal and I aren't at the church, participating in events I would normally abhor in doing (such as screaming chants and cheers at the top of my lungs with middle schoolers)..,pretty much being stretched in every possible manner. I've reached my limits. Every time God tests me, as I have asked Him to during this summer, I think I'm going to break.
The Catch? God only gives me what He knows I can handle. I've finished the tasks He has asked of me so far...even though I've struggled through some. I think this is an accomplishment in itself. The "comfort zone" which I had before this summer, is no longer my outer boundaries, but yet so much further. This is especially why I have no desire in leaving Oklahoma.
There are things I miss, things I don't want to do, things I do want to do, but all are out of selfish desire. I came across a verse I have read hundreds of times, but its meaning hadn't quite impacted me as it did this past week. Matthew 16:24 - "Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself, disregard, lost sight of, and forget himself and his own interests, and take up his cross and follow Me; cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also." There are three parts to this verse. The first, is for one to deny himself...to lose ones own interests. The second, to take up his own cross...to take part in accepting that Jesus is it. The third, to live by His example, or even to die by it. I have always disregarded the first part; denying all that I want. I haven't actually given God everything up until now (consciously).
There are limits in my life that shouldn't be limits. Even simple things like, getting to know someone and beating the awkward stages, or jumping into activities with people you don't know or, being from New York, even having my personal space :) Sometimes even speaking in Spanish calls for me to step out of my comfort zone and speak out loud. Each of these limits are not God's limits, they are my limits.
The biggest thing I am learning, is that God stretches us because He loves us. He stretches me because He loves me. I should feel honored that God tests me because He feels I am ready to be tested. It means I am strong enough to overcome it. Our trials should be fought with joy.

I have fallen in Love with this song by David Crowder, especially through these past weeks spent in Oklahoma.


"How He Loves"

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
How He loves us
How He loves us
How He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That He loves us,
How He loves us
How He loves us
How He loves

He loves us

Oklahoma

I know I haven't written for a while now. Things have been so crazy and I finally got enough time to sit down and think about what to post next.

Last year in Nicaragua I had the opportunity to speak with a missions pastor, Mike, about doing an internship with his church in Edmond, Oklahoma. I felt like the whole thing was too good to be true. Events turned out quite the opposite, and I find myself 19 hours from Virginia and New York as the missions intern for Henderson Hills Baptist Church. This past year has not been an easy one; and much of that has been my own fault. I have learned the difference between knowing what good decisions are, and what the best decisions are. I haven't exactly made bad decisions; I just haven't been making the right ones that God has in His will for me. In the past 2 weeks that I have been in Edmond working for the church, I have learned more than in the past year at college. I have a list of things that I am making a point to change in my life during this upcoming summer. There have already been alterations, and it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Last week I had the opportunity to be a leader for middle schoolers at a Camp here in Oklahoma. I knew I would have been pulled out of my comfort zone multiple times; and I was. Although camp was tough and exhausting, I fell in love with the work I was doing. The kids I got to learn about all had different stories, backgrounds, and challenges they faced, but all were just as loving and in turn, needed to be loved. This upcoming week I am planning an event for a new food and distribution center for the public to be educated of the program. The week after that is VBS, and then I'm headed to help lead a trip to Mexico. This summer is going to be an eventful one; but I wouldn't have it any other way.